When I was in Las Vegas last month I learned something about myself; I discovered that I needed to face my past in order to move forward into my future. Since that discovery my past has continued to enter my world.
I knew today was going to be different as soon as I woke up and realized it was 0840, I rarely sleep past 0700 on my days off. I had plans for the day, I was meeting a friend for a mountain bike ride, I was meeting other friends for a softball tournament, and I needed to stop by my parent's house to see how the bathroom I painted yesterday turned out I also had some chores to finish around the house.
But yesterday I received a phone call from an old friend asking if I wanted to stop by for a BBQ on Saturday. I said I would really like that and would try to fit it into my day. I knew as soon as I hung up the phone that I was going to that BBQ even if I had to change all of my plans. I needed to see those people. This was my past calling and I needed to heed the call.
So as I was saying, I did not wake up until after 830 in the morning and my day was taking on a life of it's own. I did a couple things around the house waiting for a call from my friend to go riding. When I did not hear from her by 1230 I called her, she apologized and said she would not be able to make it. She thought I had to work on Saturday and did not think we would be riding until later in the day, she had made other plans. I don't work on Saturdays, anyways, OK fine I can ride by myself.
As I was leaving my house I heard some shouting down the street, turned and saw two very young girls outside of their house and I noticed black smoke coming from the house. I threw my things back into my house and went to see what was happening. One of the girls was trying to cook and set the kitchen on fire. I asked if anyone was inside of the house and did I need to call the fire department. The girls were pretty scared and did not know how to answer. I went into the house and as I entered a woman was coming out; she was very upset, crying and yelling. I entered the house, the fire was out but there was still a lot of black smoke billowing out and you could not breathe, I made sure everyone was out of the house and tried to calm them down. I found out that there were four girls ages ranging from about 3 to 14 and the mother in the house at the time of the fire. The oldest girl was trying to cook something and started a grease fire. The mother was able to put out the fire but not before it cause a lot of smoke damage. All of them were extremely upset. I stayed with them for a while and let them know that I lived right up the street if they needed anything. I went back to my house and decided a bike ride was just not going to happen instead I would go to the bike store to buy new tires for my road bike.
I went to Eriks bike store, bought two new tires, returned home and put them on my road bike. Just as I finished and was getting ready to head over the the BBQ I heard a knock at my front door. It was the woman from down the street and she asked if she could use my phone. After she finished her call we chatted for a while, I found out that in addition to her 4 daughters she also has a son, they just moved in and are trying to get settled. Needless to say she was having a bad day.
After she left I headed to the trailer park for the BBQ. It was really great to see some of my old friends; it had been over a year since I had seen most of them. After about two hours into the party one of my ex-girlfriends showed up. I have not seen nor spoken to her in over 2 years. When we were together we never fought, we never argued and even when our relationship ended we just stopped seeing each other. It pretty much ended on the telephone, I don't remember if she had called me or I had called her but we were talking on the phone and I remember saying something like "why don't you call me when you are sober and want to do something," I never heard from her again. You see she was an alcoholic drug addict and I was too stupid not to get involved. Everyone told me, "don't do it," my friends, her friends, her family, everyone but did I listen? No.
We met over 20 years ago and she was like an icon, the woman was absolutely beautiful, a super athlete, competitive cyclist and marathon runner, you name it. She was a artist, she was a model, she had a career, she was everything anyone would have wanted. She was funny, exciting, and I had the biggest crush on her. Over the years our lives continued to cross, we had a number of mutual friends and her sister was one of my closest friends. She lived in California, I lived in Minnesota but we still saw each other a lot. Back then I traveled all over, the 80's were great, New York, San Francisco, Miami wherever the party was that's where my friends and I went. Loved it!
Then it happened, I went to visit my friend and there she was. We started dating, then she moved into my house and we were off and running, U-haul truck and all. I knew full well that she was an alcoholic, that she was a drug addict but you know what? It did not matter, I have never judged anyone and I was not about to start then. I have always lived by the philosophy that you don't try to change me and I don't try to change you. You live your life and I live my life and if we can make a life together that is fantastic. I don't tell people what they can or cannot do and I don't expect them to tell me. If what you are doing does not work for me I will tell you and you can decide to change it or not.
After about 6 months of living together and several overdoses and hospitalizations later, I packed her up and moved her back into her apartment. We continued to see each other but there was no way we would ever live together again. Another 6 months passed and I decided it just was not worth the headache, there was no way I wanted to be with her when she was drinking or getting high and that seemed to be her priority so I just said, call me when you get sober, you're no fun to be around when you're using. That was the end of our relationship.
It was both good and bad to see her tonight. I halfway expected it and maybe that is why I wanted to go to the BBQ but I was still surprised when she showed up. She looks good, we talked, exchanged numbers, she's been sober now for over a year. At least that is what she says but can you trust an alcoholic drug addict? NO. I know that since our relationship ended she has tried to kill herself several times and some members of her family blame me for it. I don't except the blame, I have no control over what another person does but it still bothered me that they put the blame on me.
If I don't hear from her I will probably call her, I think we need to talk, resolve some things maybe find some closure. We both love coffee so I'm sure we can talk over a cup or two. It would be good to close this chapter in my life. I hope she was telling me the truth and she has finally gotten clean. She has a kind heart, a good soul and a lot of talent to offer the world.
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