The last several months I've just been out of sorts, anxious, unsettled but I have not been able to put my finger on the problem. Well yesterday I realized what the problem is, I have not been in the woods; I haven't gone camping, hiking, canoeing, anything and my soul has been missing the outdoors. I've ridden my bike in the woods and I've taken a few strolls here and there but nothing like what I need. 

Yesterday Kathy and I took a road trip to Duluth to visit her niece who is going to school up there. The drive was beautiful and as always Kathy and I had a fun time traveling together. We arrived in Duluth around 10:30 AM, picked up Christine and Rob, Christine's fiance and off to breakfast we went. After breakfast Christine and Rob showed Kathy and I where they plan to get married; it's a beautiful spot in Chester Creek park.  The four of us then hiked along Chester Creek; the smell of the leaves, the birds, the water running over rocks it was like music to my soul and that is when I realized how much I miss being in the woods. 

I used to go camping at least once a month and sometimes more often. Kathy, Marly and I would even rent cabins along the North Shore in the winter. I had it down to a science, I would have everything packed and ready to go Friday night. On Saturday morning I would get up and go to work, come home and back the truck up to the trailer (ok, call me a wimp, I had a pop-up camper), toss the dogs into the truck and within two hours we would be at the campgrounds with everything set up. The dogs and I would spend the weekend just chilling in the woods, it was great. Kathy and Marly had a camper as well and we would plan weekends together, get sites near each other and have so much fun exploring the outdoors. Marly was so funny, they had to have a TV in their camper, Marly did not go anywhere without her TV. 

I'll never forget the time there was a group of us camping together and everyone had gone to bed except Kathy, me and a bottle of Jagermeister. Kathy and I sat around the firepit, taking nips off the Jager, laughing and talking about the good ol' days and at one point we must have gotten a little too loud because the next thing we hear is Marly "KATHY!" and Kathy says "what?" Marly: "you know those campers you hate?" Kathy "yeah" Marly "WELL YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!!!" of course Kathy and I giggle and head off into the campgrounds so that we don't disturb Marly. We still laugh about it. God I miss those days.

The camper has since found a new owner, my dogs have met their maker, Kathy lives in California and we just unveiled the headstone on Marly's grave this morning. As I sit here writing this post, I'm flooded with memories and I ask myself how did I get to where I'm at today? It seems like such a short time ago and now my life is a speeding by so quickly that I can't keep up with it. We've all grown a little older and hopefully wiser, the only thing that has remained the same is my address and phone number everything else in my life has changed. I can't complain about the world I've created for myself but sometimes, especially on days like today I miss the past, I miss the people, my little dogs, it just seemed so much simpler back then. I know I've became a little cynical over the years and I'm trying to change that, I know I'm pretty set in my ways which has made it difficult for me to maintain a relationship and quite frankly I knew long ago that I would probably spend my life alone, I can't say that it's what I want but I haven't found a person yet that can allow me to be me and until that happens I'll just remain on my own. 

One thing I know for sure is that next year the canoe is coming off the wall in the garage, I'm finding my tent and I'm going camping. I don't care if I have to go alone but I am taking my ass to the woods. I have always wanted to pack my gear, well not the canoe, on my bike and take off for a long weekend. Winter is just around the corner so I have plenty of time to plan it and who knows maybe I can even talk a few people into joining me. I can incorporate two of my favorite things, riding my bike and playing in the woods.  

Miss Marly, I hear your laughter, I see your smile and I miss you every day, until we meet again my friend...