Life Lessons According to Me #3

As I stated before there is no order to my life lessons; I'm posting them as they enter my head. Today's lesson is one I learned from my Mother and as I was just talking with a friend about it this morning I thought I should make it my next Life Lessons post. 

Don't ask a question unless you are sure you want to hear the answer. 

This is a lesson I think everyone should learn and learn it at a young age. I can't tell ya how many times someone will ask me a question and then they don't like the answer. They ask, I answer and then they ask again in hopes of getting a different answer.

Some questions should never be asked. When you ask someone a question you need to be prepared to hear something you may not like, you may get your feelings hurt and you may discover something you really don't want to know. It happens most often in relationships with friends lovers, and family members.

Be prepared, do you really want to know the answer to that question???

Life's Lessons According to Me

This lesson is one I've had a really difficult time learning and I've been having to deal with it a lot this past month. I'm a fixer/doer, whatever by nature. If I see something is broken I just fix it. I look at a problem, figure out the best way to fix it and just get it done whether it's painful or not. Well, you can't do that with other people, you have no control over them and it doesn't matter what you say or do, bottom line; they have to decide it's broken and fix it themselves. You can offer support, advice, life experiences, a shoulder to cry on, money, a place to live, etc. but you can't fix their problems. You can't make them get help, you can't get them to stop their self abusive behavior, you can't make anyone do anything. The only person you have control over is yourself.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to walk away and believe me I've had to do that a lot over the years. Many people I love have had drug and alcohol problems and I've had to walk away and let them fall on their face, go to jail and nearly die. I spent hours in the hospital with my little brother watching him struggle with his alcohol addiction and there was not a damn thing I could do to help him. I thought he learned his lesson with the first ER/ICU visit but nope it took two visits before he finally got his act together and he's been sober now for nearly 10 years! I spent hours with a friend who OD on drugs just trying to keep her alive, I was successful that time but it was several more years before she got her shit together. I busted down a door and fought with a woman to get the knife out of her hand so she could not cut her other wrist in an attempted suicide, talk about a nasty scene. Every time I thought I could help but the reality is if the person does not want to fix their problems it really does not matter what you do or say their problems will continue until they take ownership and fix them. I remember leaving a friend of mine in jail because I was tired of the 4 AM phone calls, she just could not get over her drug addiction. She's still struggling with it today. I've known this woman my entire life, she's like family but I can't help her. I walked away years ago.

Lesson # 2:

You can NOT fix other peoples problems.