Most people evaluate the past year around New Years Day. I find that Thanksgiving is the best time for me to look back at the past year. By the time I get to New Years Day I've already negotiated Christmas and New Years Eve celebrating and I'm in no condition to think about the past year. Thanksgiving works perfect; I'm already thinking about what I'm thankful for.
This has been a bit of an odd year for me, I had goals that I accomplished and goals that I abandoned. A couple of the big goals for me were to work less and sleep more. I can say that I've completed both of those. I worked 40 hours or less each week and I'm up to about an average of 6 hours of sleep a night a far cry from 50 - 60 hours of work a week and 4 hours of sleep a night. I'm confident I can maintain my 40 hours or less a week, my paycheck does not like it but I do. I do not believe I can sleep more than 6 hours a night, even on my days off with no alarm clock I don't go past that; even the 6 hours is not a solid 6.
I learned that if I'm going to spend my summer riding 100 to 150 miles a week on my bike I need to spend the winter doing house chores. It's November and I did not get all of my yard work done, nor did I finish some house projects and it can be directly contributed to spending my days on my bike. But hey, who can pass up a sunny day? Now I'm committed to finishing my indoor house projects before Spring.
I have spent a lot of time taking a personal inventory and have worked hard on changing some of the things I don't like about myself. I still have some work to do but I'm heading in the right direction. I'm happy I remained single this year and did not get caught up in some affair I was not ready for. I've resolved my issues with my ex-girlfriend, the anger is gone, the tears have dried and I'm ready to move on. This was a hard one, I don't think I have ever been that angry with anyone in my entire life. I've never allowed anyone to get that close to me and I'm not sure I will let it happen again. I am grateful however for the experience and the lessons learned.
I've resolved the problems I had with my mom, that too was difficult. I understand her position a little better and I know why I was so defensive. I've forgiven her for not standing up to my dad when he was a drunk. I've forgiven her for allowing me to take all the blame and getting my ass kicked on a regular basis. I've taken responsibility for my part in all of it. I've realized that it was not her fault, it was mine. I could have walked away, I could have hidden in my room like my brothers did, I could have backed down, I could have cried but I chose not to. Instead I chose to take the blame for whatever happened in the house because it was easier to take the hit than to watch the hit. I think it's funny how I resolved the issues with my dad years ago and it took me this long to resolve them with my mom. Hell my dad was the asshole, he was the drunk, not my mom. She did everything to try to keep the peace. The biggest struggle I've had this year is dealing with the memories.
When I walked out of my parent's house I took nothing with me and buried all of my memories. There were times when I did not have a place to sleep, when I did not have food, eating lettuce and yellow mustard. I remember the nasty one bedroom apartment I shared with two other people; because I was too proud to go home. I went to visit them just to see my brother Lawrence and when he died I learned to cry. I was 21.
This past year the memories of my childhood have flooded into my consciousness. The anger, the frustration, the helplessness, I understand now why certain things bother me, why I have issues with trust, why I can get so anal about stuff. I understand why I was so damn angry with my mom. Having Mike living with me has helped a lot, he remembers so much more than I do. He has reminded me of things that happened. In some ways it's a relief, now I know why I am the way I am and now I can change it. I can take responsibility for it and do what needs to be done.
Another goal I accomplished was to increase my circle of friends, find people that are healthier for me. I have a number of friends whom I've known forever that have some serious drug and alcohol issues. It's easy for me to fall into that trap. I will never turn my back on them but I no longer spend time with them. I've found some really super people and very much enjoy spending time with them.
I'm still battling the 5 pounds I wanted to lose this year. I did get down to 135 around July but did not build up the muscle to replace it the way I wanted to. I'm back up to 140 again. Now that Mike is gone I can get my stuff set up in the basement and work out over the winter. I have a membership at a gym but can never seem to get myself to go. It's much easier to pop a movie in the DVD player and ride my bike on the trainer for an hour or so. I also have some weights and other equipment so I can get a pretty good workout without leaving home. I may even contact the personal trainer I had when I was lifting and see if she can help me set up a program. I don't want to go crazy with it but now that I'm on the downside of 40 and have a desk job I'm losing muscle rapidly. I'm putting this goal back on the top of the list for 2009, lose 5 pounds of fat and replace it with 5 pounds of muscle.
I cut my caffeine intake in half, I haven't had a soda since February and cut my coffee down to only my morning cup (24 oz) then water the rest of the day. I need that morning caffeine to focus, when I try to go without it I cannot seem to keep myself from bouncing off the walls. I know it's weird but caffeine helps me to focus and calms me down. I think I'll leave this alone, I really don't believe coffee is bad for you. Everything in moderation.
Financially I'm going into the New Year debt free, excluding the mortgage but I don't know if you can count that as debt. The asset of owning a home outweighs the debt in my book. I'm still saving for a new roof, every time I get close something seems to happen, the car breaks down, the dentist comes knocking, the dog gets sick, whatever. I'm one of the few people who does not buy into all the financial woes of our country. Hell Americans spent 6 billion dollars on Halloween and you're trying to convince me that we have a financial crisis, nope I'm not buying it. I have at least 20 years before I'll start pulling from my investments, they should be fine by then. And if not, I'll deal with it in 20 years. If I wake up tomorrow without a job I may change my mind about all of this.
All in all I had a good year, my family is doing well, both of my parents are still here and I really did not think my dad would make it. I still have Sir Lashley, my faithful companion. I have lots of new friends and have maintained my old friendships. I'm heading into the New Year feeling good.
My goals for the New Year are simple:
finish my inside house projects
try one new winter activity and one new summer activity
re-do the vegetable garden, move the compost bin
insulate the small garage
ride my bike to work more often
get rid of that 5 pounds of fat and add 5 pounds of muscle
paint the exterior of the house
spend more time with my family and friends
win the lottery
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